Book Review

I am reading a book called “Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. It has been a perk for my character. Her basic argument is that everyone feels fear (or anxiety) when they do new things, or when they stretch out of their comfort zone. This is normal, but it often really confines us. We have generally been taught to live conservatively, assume the worst about unknowns, and just plain old “be careful.”

Boiled down, our most basic fear is that we won’t be able to handle IT, whatever IT is for you. For me, of course, it is transitions. Whether you expect yourself to become paralyzed, die, or fail—it’s all, in sum, an expectation that you can’t handle IT.

Truth #1: Whatever comes my way, I can handle it.
You can write this on your mirror. Chose to believe in yourself, that you can and will handle whatever comes.

Truth #2: The fear will never go away as long as I continue to grow.
Since growth means stretching, reaching, and expanding that comfort zone, as long as growth is happening, I will always be met with fear at some level. So relax, it’s part of life.

Truth #3: The only way to get rid of fear of something is to go out and do it.
Facing our fears is the only way to get them to go away. Since my Kenyan staff will never read this, I’ll admit that I have been simply immobilized by two of my kitchen staff. They seem to have a tactful knack for keeping me out of their space. I have noticed that the only place at MGH that I am not in charge, is in that stupid kitchen, of all places. (Ironic, considering my natural inclination toward eating.)

When I read Truth #3, I realized I have been giving my power away by fearing confrontation. So I decided feel my fear, and do IT anyway. In this case, IT is face up to a power struggle and claim the authority that is legitimately mine.

Truth #4:Pushing through fear is less frightening than the underling fear that comes from helplessness.

Whatever you may fear, it’s easier on your soul to face it than to be bullied around by it.

“It’s amazing how quickly results materialize when you know what you want and are determined to get it. Most people never take the time to focus on what they want—then they wonder why they always feel empty.”

If you ever find yourself stuck, unable to reach toward your goal, dare to ask yourself what payoffs you get for staying stuck. I felt offended by this exercise, by the insinuation that I benefit from my deep pains and stuckness. But I jotted down a few ideas anyway, since Aram was not ready for bed yet that evening.

The main thing that I get from being paralyzed by transition, I noticed, is space. Aram generally is taking over the world until the moment when I say “I….. can’t…… move” and possibly start hyperventilating. When I am slightly overwhelmed, I get a pat on the head. When I am totally overwhelmed, Aram will fly in his mom to help him pack up the house. So in this way, and perhaps some others, there is a degree of benefit for being stuck in my fear. I still don’t want to move to Ethiopia next month, but somehow that nugget of self awareness makes me feel stronger.


A final concept:

On talking about living a full and healthy life, Jeffers says that we an imagine our life as a box. Some people’s lives/boxes have one compartment, filled with one thing (husband, job). If that one thing falls apart, our whole live deflates. Instead, we should think of our boxes as having, say, eight compartments.

Say that my 8 compartments are: Aram, the kids, my job, my teaching, health, private life, hobbies, and extended family.

We spread out of energies and interests for a more balanced life.

After you have labeled your boxes, then close your eyes, and imagine what you would do differently if you knew you really mattered in that sphere, and you gave it 100%.

I noticed that if I were giving MGH 100%, I would immediately change the cinnamon roll recipe. And so I called the head cook this evening. If I gave my extended family 100%, I would certainly write book reviews for them to enjoy. And if I gave Aram 100%, I would remember about those black lacy things when he gets home from work.

So, Feel the fear, and DO IT ANYWAY.

I gotta cook Shadrach some mac and cheese.

Debbi